I am a fan of Wayne Dyer for many things and one of them is his humility. I have read these words before but today when I saw them, it felt different. The words were: "Relinquish the need to be right". It brought up lots of feelings for me. For many years I felt like when I spoke, people often didn't understand what I was trying to say. It has taken a lot of time and healing to realize that just because others can't relate to what I'm sharing doesn't mean it's not important. My frustration to be heard and understood is probably due to lots of things, not least of which are my platypus ways.
I had a friend who once told me that she believed that she could be right in a disagreement and that the other person didn't have to be wrong. Somewhere in my own chaos, I found that unsettling. I understood agreeing to disagree but I truly believed ultimately there was a right and a wrong to all topics. I've struggled to understand that we all see things from where our development has brought us. We all function at different levels in different ways and yet somehow I still believed all things boiled down to right and wrong.
I have never fit easily into a description of political party or social beliefs. I work at being very open minded to many different viewpoints even those I struggle with because they are so deeply rooted in fear. I have certainly disagreed with others desire to position me neatly into a box, yet Wayne's wording was still less than comforting. I didn't want to be judged yet I felt like if I didn't see things in a somewhat black and white manner, I would be lost. For the most part, I've made my peace between discernment and judgment. I deeply believe that only the Divine can offer judgment and that the type of judgement that occurs on that level is far beyond the understanding of most of us on earth. Discernment, I've come to understand, is deciding what fits best for me and is very subject to change.
I sat with why relinquishing the need to be right touched me so deeply. Was it about logic? Was it about worthiness or was it about something much deeper? After some reflection, I think I recognize what it is for me at this point in my life. Somewhere within me I believed that if I was right, I was justified and somehow safe. If I could show my point, and others could see it then some of the criticism and judgment would end. Part of this was family based, as I said I come from a family of debaters. I think a large part of this belief came from school and work settings. If you were bright and bold and had reason to back up your words, then you were considered someone to respect. It's probably why very quiet people confused me. I often knew that they were bright from conversations we had one on one but somehow they were not "seen" as bright. Emotion, passion and boldness pushed back the judgement others wanted to inflict upon me. Being right, which ultimately is impossible, was a belief that I used to justify my existence. If I could express myself and have others hear me, then I was considered worthy.
Interesting that in the time I've been taking to heal, where I infrequently see people, I feel far more empowered than I ever did in any debate. This blog shows I still need to express myself but perhaps it's far more for me to find and use my voice than it is for anyone to approve. Funny how these insights work. I still have my opinions and beliefs and certainly discern what's best for myself but if no one else "gets" it I may feel lonely, but not unworthy.
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