Can you hear along with listen?

My husband has often said:  "You're not like other people."  In some ways that's true, in others it's not.  One of his examples of this observation is that I really do my best to say what I mean and mean what I say.  This is not just a recovery phrase for me.  A little over three years ago, interestingly over Valentine's day I found myself in the emergency room of a heart hospital.  I went there because I felt a heaviness in my chest.  I was at the time overweight, stressed, still battling some asthma, and in my late 40's so I could see the reason for the staff's concern.  They told me I was going to be kept overnight for observation because I came to the hospital in the late afternoon.

One of the first things I was given was aspirin and then a nitro glycerin patch.  The first dose of over the counter pain pills was the first and last dose I was to receive.  The headache, frequently associated with nitro glycerin, was dull and constant.  The aspirin barely took the edge off of it.  I was told the headache was due to the blood vessels dilating and the circulation significantly increasing.  Although the stress test that followed the next morning showed my heart to be very healthy, there was another important event that occurred.  In the twelve or so hours I was in the hospital, I lost over ten pounds of water weight.  My swelling was noticeably decreased!  As I brought this to the staff's attention, not a one of them could explain why it had happened.  I mentioned it to my naturopath at the time, other doctors, nutritionists and none could explain it.  Then I came across articles on nitric oxide.  This led to finding out information on three American Nobel prize winners who were able to explain the action of nitro glycerin.  Nitric oxide is a gas which majorly affects blood flow throughout the body.  Cardiovascular health can be improved and stabilized with foods and supplements that support nitric oxide.

If nitric oxide levels decline due to stress, aging, or in my case a severe black mold exposure, then oxidative stress and free radicals can create inflammation and then edema.  I had radically changed my diet, worked on emotional issues, and still questioned why my edema remained.  The black mold, which I was around close to ten years, began the pattern of significant decline in my health.  I began my life with circulatory, neurological, and emotional challenges.  The mold magnified them and also reduced my nitric oxide levels.  My aging and stress levels made things worse.

After over a week of craving red beet roots, I began to look into what nutritional properties beets had.  They are one of the top foods for supporting nitric oxide levels according to Julian Whitaker, MD.  I had juiced a small amount of them or ate some cooked beets.  These made me feel a bit better but not great.  I did notice that my vertigo had reduced since consuming them.  As I read Dr. Whitaker's take on beets, I decided to try juicing more of them.  Yesterday I consumed almost a full cup of beet juice.  This morning I was up after 7 rather than my usual 10 hours of sleep.  I improved on my vision therapy exercise and was very clear headed which is darn near impossible for me to achieve some days!

What the nitro glycerin gave me in the hospital is what my body longed to have.  The other foods that minimally increased my nitric oxide levels were helpful but not enough.  I was so confused as to why my practitioners dismissed my experience in the hospital.  They all seemed so certain that my experience was meaningless and that I must fit into a category that THEY understood!  I certainly am not one to fit into someone else's box!  I searched and searched for someone other than my husband to listen.  The research I found clearly stated the power of circulation and nitric oxide specifically.  In the years I have looked for someone to listen, I found research that showed what I suspected.

It's a real challenge to walk away from the belief that others know what to do better than you do yourself.  So many of us have been confused and told not to believe that our impressions, understandings and gut feelings are less than accurate.  I KNEW deep within me that the nitro glycerin was showing me a huge piece of the puzzle and I waited for others to understand.  Although I understand that all things come in time, I feel angry that my impressions were not heard.

As I move further into healing, with a naturopath who does her best to listen and hear I look forward to greater and greater health.  Sometimes in life, we just need to stick true to what we know deep in our hearts and minds is right.  The knowing and the honoring of what is our truth is a gift beyond measure.

"To call you ultra sensitive is an understatement"

These were the words given to me yesterday.  I had have always been called sensitive but to be told this by a remarkably sensitive holistic practitioner is a bit different.  To many of the practitioners I've seen, I have been quickly misread.  I am not a petite woman.  I am 5' 5" and my bone size is large.  My hour glass shape shows that I am not frail, weak, or delicate.  My weight, which I wear quite well, has always been used to ground me to a certain extent.  The practitioners who have not understood me have been those who assumed that because I am not a small woman, I am very insensitive on all levels and don't feel things deeply.  Those people are missing who I truly am.  It is my strong opinion that body size has nothing to do with the depth of sensitivity within someone.

I had a friend who told me many years ago that regardless of how small and thin she was, she felt fat.  When she lost weight, she felt more comfortable and was able to reach her goals for health.  Her view of herself and my view of myself were quite different.  I am obtaining vibrant health which for me is strength, flexibility, and endurance on all levels.  My sensitivities on the vestibular, visual, emotional, spiritual, and physical levels have led me to some harsh conclusions.  Regardless of how many people claim that they can tolerate amusement parks, malls, loud music, processed food, little sleep, and lots of stimulants, I can't.  My system needs lots of quiet, purposeful reflection, healthy lighting and food, gentle colors, and a very supportive environment.  There is a certain feeling of grief or guilt about not being able to take what the world has to give, yet I know that busyness is not good for me or who I am.

I find a lot exhausting which is not because I am weak but rather because I am sensitive.  The off gassing of furniture, be it at a store or a gym, is enough to kick my system into shut down.  The intensity of a group of people be it at the movies, restaurants, stores, or even while doing hobbies, can be totally overwhelming to me.  It has been a long time since I was able to have enough of the support I need to cope with the constant busyness of the world.  As I continue to explore what brings me peace and what disturbs me, I am finding that I am not alone.  Many of us just can't take the constant barrage of light, sound, movement, and expectations that today's modern pace demands.  This would certainly explain a lot of our health issues, exhaustion, and erratic sleep patterns.

Certainly my practitioner's words about my sensitivity does put me into a class that is not shared by many, yet I am not without my peers.  Many of us deeply enjoy and need a break from the intensity of the world.  I appreciate technology and understand that the world is changing rapidly as I write these words.  It's clear to me that the world is not meant to cater to my needs.  If I am to heal fully, I need to be the one to set limits and boundaries on what I do and where I go.  It's also my responsibility to understand to what degree I choose to push myself and then how much time I need to recover.

Being intuitive has its pros and cons.  Once an awareness becomes our own, we then accept the responsibility for implementing it in our lives.  Sometimes my sensitivities are a real drain to me and other times they give me perception and wisdom that I could never achieve without them.  For me, it's not about denying who I am.  It's about understanding and honoring who I am in the healthiest, most empowering means possible.

What we had and what we thought we had

When I first learned the meaning of the word grief, I thought it meant the feeling you get when something you loved went away.  It was a long time before I realized that we can grieve what we had and lost as well as what we were never able to have.  I can apply this concept to lots of things.  People who developed disabilities later in life have lots of grief and part of it can be about who they used to be and what they used to have.  In my case, I've grown up not having certain abilities and didn't realize until much later in life what I "should" or could have had.  I have always been very intuitive and I used to think most people functioned as I did when they made decisions and decided how they felt about someone or something.  Having discernment strictly based on logic is very foreign to me.

Because I was born to parents who were substantially older than many parents, I arrived into a family that caused me to be between the generations.  My closest cousins were close to 20 years my senior and even my siblings, who were from a previous marriage, were close to that age difference as well.  One of my paternal aunts, with whom I was very close, died when I was in my late 20's.  My grandmother and my first best friend died before I was in fourth grade.  As my uncles, cousins, other aunts, classmates, and friends have died, I have shifted in the way I relate to life.  I do my best to cherish moments because I know in a very deep way that nothing is promised and life, in this form anyway, is limited.  I miss a lot of biological family who have died.  Friends and acquaintances, many from another time and place, I miss and yet know our parting was meant to be.

The animals I have loved so dearly who have left my care have also changed me.  Some have died due to old age, illness, by assistance of a veterinarian, or gone on to another home through adoption or foster care.  When I think of the animals that have touched my life, I think of my father's bassets and my mother and her  beautiful collies.  The lovely gray and white tabby cats, wonderful potbelly pigs, regal Old English Sheepdogs and many more who have influenced my life in powerful ways have helped to mold who I have become.

Suffering upsets me quite a bit.  It disturbs me far more to see suffering than to see death.  I'm not afraid to die.  I would miss those I love at this point in my life but I truly don't think it would devastate me.  I honor the life and death cycle.  I deeply believe that we are meant to live only as long as we are given, whatever time period that is.  I've known people and animals who've died early in life and then those who have had long, vibrant lives.  I don't feel cheated by their transitions.  I don't feel like they have left me.  I am grateful for their time in my life.

The deaths that have disturbed me the most are of those whose suffering has been long or those who have died suddenly by their own hand.  I still struggle to understand suffering and its purpose in life.  For now, I choose to honor the path that is unfolding in my life which ultimately I believe will have a balance of all things good and bad.

Sensitivity

In my search for healing, I've come across many things that have helped me.  Because of my traumatic brain injury and other issues, I am very sensitive.  Therefore I have chosen to use as many natural modalities as possible to support my recovery.  One of the first areas I realized I was reactive to was scents.  Room deodorizers, laundry soaps and fabric softeners, perfume and cologne, incense, and candles can cause me to react with sinus congestion and/or asthmatic flair up not to mention a very intense headache or nausea.  To reduce this exposure, I use only borax or Dawn for stains in my laundry.  I don't use fabric softener.  I use my earthing sheet to remove any static electricity.  I don't use most perfumes but have been known to use a very high quality, pure essential oil such as lavender or vanilla.  The only candles I'll use are beeswax or palm wax with very light, natural scents.  As for incense, I only use very, very pure ones and not often.

Light is another huge area of sensitivity for me.  When I am in yellow or off white light, my eyes water, I  may get a headache, or become extremely irritable and tense.  I do my best to use very clean light.  Revere light bulbs, natural sunlight unless it contains a lot of glare, or very minimal lighting suits me best.  Fluorescent is by far the worst for me and I really can't tolerate it for long.  I'm one of those people who hears the buzzing in them.  Mega stores are not places I go to often.

Movement is another area of sensitivity.  I am bothered by fast pictures, traffic, sounds, or movement of others.  I can process things much better when things are slowed down.  People don't need to speak excessively slowly but I do much better with little or no background nose or distractions.

Food is another gigantic area for me to handle.  I do my best to avoid all conventional and most organic soy and corn, including high fructose corn syrup.  I avoid processed food.  I do my best to consume organic, non-genetically modified (non-gmo) foods.  I will occasionally eat conventional wheat, sugar or flour but really keep it to a minimum.  I don't eat dairy except for a rare occasion of butter.  My diet is largely plant based.

I agree with David Wolfe, Daniel Vitalis, and many other whole food/raw food consumers that eating food as close to nature is important.  I do take a few supplements but most of my nutrition comes from whole foods.  I take raw cacao for magnesium and combine it with cinnamon along with some raw, unheated honey.  I do use chaga, reishi and rhemannia herbs in teas.  I take lion's mane mushroom capsules and gingko biloba for neurological support.  I consume healthy fats to also help support my neurological system such as spirulina, coconut oil, krill or high quality fish oil, and COQ10.

When I was younger, I had chronic allergies and frequent colds.  Because of my changes in diet, removing dairy specifically, I am rarely sick and my allergies at their worst can be dealt with by taking quercetin and/or nettles.

Even after years of black mold exposure, my system is healing.  I particularly like non-gmo D-Ribose to help with energy. When my electrolytes are not up where they need to be, I turn to raw, unheated coconut water.  It makes me feel better faster than anything else I've tried.  I am not trying to be redundant in saying, raw and unheated.  Sadly food labeling does allow for products to be labeled raw even though they have been heated.  Heating does remove some degree of nutrition and when enzymes and phytonutritients are involved, heating doesn't allow for these precious nutrients to stay in tact.

I love the kirlian photography of foods that David Wolfe offers in his book Superfoods:  The Food and Medicine of the Future.  I can feel the difference in the types of foods I eat.  I believe that spiritually we do receive energy from what we take into our bodies.  If we eat or drink when we are angry, sad or fearful, we are not getting all that the food is capable of sharing with us.  Eating like praying is sacred and I believe we need to consume our food with honor and gratitude.

My sensitivity is something I have needed to accept about myself.  Some people have honored it and some have critiqued it.  I am not one of those types who can handle anything anywhere.  I need to honor myself and accept that I do need quiet, peace, reflection, gentleness, and kindness.  Sometimes it's a challenge to be so sensitive in such an insensitive world, yet I have found that if I honor this gift than interestingly so do others.

References:

http://www.earthing.com 

http://www.danielvitalis.com

http://www.davidwolfe.com/

Wolfe, D. (2009) Superfoods:  The Food and Medicine of the Future Berkely, California: North Atlantic Books.