My latest frustration is a reminder to one of my deeper issues. It is so confusing to me how others often believe that they know how I feel. I believe it's pretty insensitive and unrealistic to believe that any of us know exactly how someone else feels. For example, my vision therapist seemed genuinely perplexed that I was not delighted over her praise of my work. Frankly I don't feel I need it. I work a lot on my vision therapy exercises and I know I am making progress. My husband is a wonderful support and his praise I accept easily. To me, relationship and connection support understanding. Practitioners regardless of degree or training don't necessarily understand how I'm feeling even though they often think they do.
As the name of this blog suggests, I am not like a lot of folks. Maybe my genetic glitches, traumatic brain injury, dyslexia, or some unique light within me causes me to see, feel and process the world differently than others. I can understand that people who live in different places can't full understand my life in the Southeastern Arizona sun. As a matter of fact, someone in the Southeastern US which is known for its heat and humidity was commenting on the significant heat in Arizona. With all due respect, how is it you can know my experience when you've never been here much less know personally what it's like for me?
In the years I worked in the mental health system, I observed several biases. One that is still a stickler for me is gender bias. Domestic violence has frequently been described as men behaving violently to women. Although clearly this happens, there are many women who have been violent in word and deed to men. Women who have used their position or power to intimidate, dominate, and manipulate men. Both genders have exploited children and I tire of the bias that women are incapable of such things. Human beings are struggling mortals who are frequently overwhelmed by life and disastrous things can happen as a result.
Another pattern I have seen is that somehow those in affluent communities are immune to addiction, mental illness and violence. Few things could be further from the truth. I remember calling the police to investigate violence to a Caucasian, male adolescent and was told: "This doesn't happen in THAT neighborhood." The community in question was a very wealthy, professional neighborhood.
My husband has talked about how he spent years not realizing how prevalent addiction, mental illness, and violence was. Due to personal and professional experience, I know how epidemic these are.
Perhaps people want to support others and assume that because they want to understand, they do. Although this is an altruistic sentiment, it's untrue in my view. We all have biases and limitations in how we take in the world based upon our own views and experiences. I'm not angry because we all have sticking points. I'm angry because so many people refuse to acknowledge them. Practitioners of all types frequently want to genuinely help others. Somewhere in their desire to help and feel needed, they can get lost.
I once had a provider tell me that my functioning was similar to a great tree with a hole in the center. I think that describes me quite well. My executive functioning is quite high. My verbal skills are very good. My visual spatial issues are quite another matter. I struggle to make sense of spatial positioning and reasoning. Colors and patterns are a real challenge for me. My dyslexia is a great gift when I am doing broad reasoning and a real challenge when I'm attempting to make sense of a graph and details.
I respect people who have skills I don't. I think it's really cool to watch others whose proprioception and kinesthetic awareness are outstanding. I enjoy my vision therapy and look forward to more and more success. I don't do it to impress anyone. I do it because I see a void that I want to fill. I strive to be a more integrated human being.
Perhaps one of my lessons in life is to honor where I am and others are. I don't need to like it or get lost in it, I just need to honor it. It feels like a very delicate walk to balance my own opinions with those of others. I guess like is said in recovery circles: "I will take what fits and leave the rest".
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