My father-in-law often talks about events occurring just in time. He sees how often the timing of life works in our favor. Being a very spiritual man who is very intuitive, he often senses who's calling and when his sons have needed him. I bring this up because I too have experienced this phenomenon. Many years ago I was told by a practitioner that if I didn't slow my pace down, my neurological system would not be able to continue supporting the life I wanted. Those words have come to pass and many, many doctors have talked about how much I am unable to do. Just when I was feeling very burdened by yet another modality that did not work to restore my vitality, I rediscovered vision therapy and visceral manipulation. Just when my system was so tired and my mood heavy, I was given a very special gift. Just in time for the holidays, just in time for the new year, just in time to see a brilliant future I was given this connection. The providers of these services were humble, kind and generous. Their desire to help people in unique and empowering ways came just in time.
How often do we find ourselves stuck in a rut? We can feel so tired of trying as hard as we can and not getting anywhere. Life has a way of pushing us and many times we surrender to the pressure and give up. I don't believe the point of challenging circumstances is to relinquish our power. Rather I feel it's an opportunity to regroup and begin again. I had a dear friend who used to talk about how important it is to pick yourself up. She often talked about the meaning of life being about how often we get up rather than being knocked down. At the time I found her words frustrating. Who wants to pitifully pick yourself up after yet another embarrassing mistake? I truly thought back then that I was alone in believing I made the worst mistakes of anyone I knew. Amazing how narrow one's field of vision is when you're lost in self-pity! Once I realized we all fall down again and again, my life changed. My friend's words made more sense. All of us seem to struggle, soar, limp, suffer, and then try again.
My father-in-law, Charles, has made quite an impression on people through the years. This story is but one of many lives he's helped to shift. One Sunday at church, where he attends regularly, a new face appeared. It was a young man who stayed to himself during the service but was greeted by Charles before he left the building. This man was welcomed, supported in his decision to come to this service this day, and encouraged to come back in a way only my father-in-law can do. The man did come back the next week and many weeks thereafter. Eventually he chose to join the congregation. His decision to become a member was not what was significant. His feelings and words to the minister were: "I came to that first service to make my peace with God. I decided to go to church one more time and then go home to take my life. Charles took time and saw me for who I was. God spoke to me that day through this very kind man."
Charles is like that and so is his son, my husband. They both seem to deeply believe that God manifests in many forms. The kindness and gentleness they show the world is something very new to me. I was not raised with this sort of behavior. My parents could be nice but definitely didn't see the world as these two men do.
During this time of busyness and chaos, it's easy to forget what matters most. Many around the world suffer and are consumed with deep heartache. I have been amazingly blessed again and again. It's not that my life has been easy or gentle because in reality it's been neither. Charles' words: "Just in time" describes connections I've made, gifts I've received, and my current path to healing.
So during this time of the year perhaps when you are quiet and still, you can remember what matters most and how much of your life occurred "just in time". We may never ever know how much we influence another life. For me spirituality is many things not least of which is knowing that we all are intrinsically part of the Divine.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Beyond what the eyes can see
Many spiritual traditions speak of perceiving with the heart rather than the mind. This ability has carried me through many times in my life. Over the last few years, a process has been happening in my life. I have been observing many things and yet I have struggled to integrate them into my being. Sometimes it's the harshness of what is occurring that is more than my sensitive side can handle. Often it is the confusion of what is said rather than what is intended. This confusion has definitely affected me psychologically which has led to a deeper and richer spiritual life after some time of frustration and grieving. It has also taken on a physical manifestation.
Because of my circulation challenges, particularly in the parietal lobes of my brain, I have struggled with visual spatial issues. This world is very visual spatial and encompasses reading, writing, driving, equine and canine sports as well as things as basic as movement and good quality rest. Over the last few years my health has shifted and my independence lessened. I did learn about my challenges later in life which has been bittersweet. It was very sad to me that what I thought were just personality glitches actually turned out to be significant neurological impairments. Talk about having to learn who you are all over again! The sweet part of this is that I have learned how much courage and strength and fortitude I possess. Ain't no quitting for this girl!
As I have learned about nutrition in a new way, chronic fatigue (in my case from black mold exposure), high quality supplements and how amazingly resilient the brain is, I have found a deep sense of gratitude. I am finding improvement in my energy from supplements based on the latest research on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. In addition, I am looking forward to returning to vision therapy to receive the support I need to process what I see. It's becoming more and more obvious to me that seeing is only part of the story. Many of us can observe, notice, and then disregard what is around us. Sometimes we can look at, take in, and become forever changed by what our eyes can see. I am one of those platypus folks who sees, feels and perceives and then is overwhelmed with the magnitude of my experiences. Vision therapy can help me to incorporate what I perceive. It can have ramifications on the visual and vestibular systems. It can transform a deeply struggling person to someone who has independence and confidence.
As I wait, yet again, for this doctor whose work could so powerfully change my life I feel gratitude about many things. It is wonderful that she and her team are so close to me. I know that this modality can shift many things and yet I do have some anxiety about who I will become and what my life will be.
I truly believe we can never unsee anything. Once we have had an experience, we are forever shifted by it. Although traumatic events come to mind, deeply powerful events whether full of pain or joy can do the same thing. I have seen a lot in my life. The years that I worked in the mental health system allowed me to see the good and bad of modalities, providers, clients and medications. The Allopathic world with the many drugs, interventions and testing of all types and the masses of people who believe this is the only true way to healing. The Naturopathic, Chiropractic, Ayurvedic, Traditional Chinese Medicine and other nutritional options which in some cases somewhat mimic that of the Allopathic perspective. The spiritual modes to healing which include meditation, energy work, prayer, and reflection. I have walked a bit into each of these worlds and by far the most powerful has been the walk of the spiritual. Knowing that in my darkest periods there was always a light grander than myself, even when I could barely sense it, made my life meaningful. The wisdom of true healers, marked not by the letters after their name but rather by the wisdom and love they brought into their own and others' lives, is a very precious gift.
The fear that is so prevalent in this world drains our adrenals and taxes the energy we all work so hard to achieve. It presents itself as reality when in fact it is an illusion as brilliantly displayed as the holodeck on Star Trek. Fear can convince us that we are weak, weary, and defeated. It can be an unyielding task master and it can be our worse enemy. The light of truth, love, kindness and discernment can shift even the deepest fears. Sometimes we all need a hand up, and fortunately there are many amazingly loving and kind people that live on this planet with us willing to offer it. At times we need the nurture of our animals who love us without rhyme or reason, just because love is who they are and we are blessed to be among them.
Most days, I like my unique platypus ways. I am grateful for my path and the amazing opportunities I've been given. I once heard someone say to me: "There are such awful things in the world. Why would God allow these things?" After a brief reflection I said: "How else can we see the grace of God except by being shown how grace works in a variety of challenging situations?" I am so very grateful this day. My life, with all of its glitchy challenges, is incredible. For each time I have been told: "You can't do that!", I know that with some help from the Divine both in my earthly and Heavenly friends I can do all that I need to do.
Because of my circulation challenges, particularly in the parietal lobes of my brain, I have struggled with visual spatial issues. This world is very visual spatial and encompasses reading, writing, driving, equine and canine sports as well as things as basic as movement and good quality rest. Over the last few years my health has shifted and my independence lessened. I did learn about my challenges later in life which has been bittersweet. It was very sad to me that what I thought were just personality glitches actually turned out to be significant neurological impairments. Talk about having to learn who you are all over again! The sweet part of this is that I have learned how much courage and strength and fortitude I possess. Ain't no quitting for this girl!
As I have learned about nutrition in a new way, chronic fatigue (in my case from black mold exposure), high quality supplements and how amazingly resilient the brain is, I have found a deep sense of gratitude. I am finding improvement in my energy from supplements based on the latest research on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. In addition, I am looking forward to returning to vision therapy to receive the support I need to process what I see. It's becoming more and more obvious to me that seeing is only part of the story. Many of us can observe, notice, and then disregard what is around us. Sometimes we can look at, take in, and become forever changed by what our eyes can see. I am one of those platypus folks who sees, feels and perceives and then is overwhelmed with the magnitude of my experiences. Vision therapy can help me to incorporate what I perceive. It can have ramifications on the visual and vestibular systems. It can transform a deeply struggling person to someone who has independence and confidence.
As I wait, yet again, for this doctor whose work could so powerfully change my life I feel gratitude about many things. It is wonderful that she and her team are so close to me. I know that this modality can shift many things and yet I do have some anxiety about who I will become and what my life will be.
I truly believe we can never unsee anything. Once we have had an experience, we are forever shifted by it. Although traumatic events come to mind, deeply powerful events whether full of pain or joy can do the same thing. I have seen a lot in my life. The years that I worked in the mental health system allowed me to see the good and bad of modalities, providers, clients and medications. The Allopathic world with the many drugs, interventions and testing of all types and the masses of people who believe this is the only true way to healing. The Naturopathic, Chiropractic, Ayurvedic, Traditional Chinese Medicine and other nutritional options which in some cases somewhat mimic that of the Allopathic perspective. The spiritual modes to healing which include meditation, energy work, prayer, and reflection. I have walked a bit into each of these worlds and by far the most powerful has been the walk of the spiritual. Knowing that in my darkest periods there was always a light grander than myself, even when I could barely sense it, made my life meaningful. The wisdom of true healers, marked not by the letters after their name but rather by the wisdom and love they brought into their own and others' lives, is a very precious gift.
The fear that is so prevalent in this world drains our adrenals and taxes the energy we all work so hard to achieve. It presents itself as reality when in fact it is an illusion as brilliantly displayed as the holodeck on Star Trek. Fear can convince us that we are weak, weary, and defeated. It can be an unyielding task master and it can be our worse enemy. The light of truth, love, kindness and discernment can shift even the deepest fears. Sometimes we all need a hand up, and fortunately there are many amazingly loving and kind people that live on this planet with us willing to offer it. At times we need the nurture of our animals who love us without rhyme or reason, just because love is who they are and we are blessed to be among them.
Most days, I like my unique platypus ways. I am grateful for my path and the amazing opportunities I've been given. I once heard someone say to me: "There are such awful things in the world. Why would God allow these things?" After a brief reflection I said: "How else can we see the grace of God except by being shown how grace works in a variety of challenging situations?" I am so very grateful this day. My life, with all of its glitchy challenges, is incredible. For each time I have been told: "You can't do that!", I know that with some help from the Divine both in my earthly and Heavenly friends I can do all that I need to do.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Who am I?
"You can't do that!" I was told. "That's not the right way to do it!" she said. "You're not like everyone else!" he said again and again. Clearly I am not like everyone else in many ways, least of which is naming my blog "Platypus Expressions". Let me give you some insight into the way my mind works. Over the course of my life I have had many challenges to include: having a circulation issue in my brain which affects the way I process what I see and spatially what is around me. I often get very frustrated with this challenge but it's in my life, I like to think, for a reason so quite literally I don't see and process what others do.
Even though I have had several accidents which involved hitting my head, I am not as impaired as some people and seriously more impaired than others. I am fortunate to have great executive function and also to be quite intuitive. These are characteristics that many people with dyslexia and traumatic brain injury (TBI) don't possess. So even though I am disabled, I don't seem to fit what many people think is a description of what disability looks like. Like millions of people, I fall into the group of those with invisible disabilities.
My life has been filled with lots of emotional trauma, loss, abandonment, violence, shame, criticism, judgment and heartache. In many ways I am like most of us who have taken risks in love, career, and friendships. I have chosen to acknowledge my pain, and have worked very hard to make peace with what has felt like deeply broken moments of my heart and soul.
I find a kinship with the platypus because, like them, I feel quite unique in some ways. Neither of us fit nicely into a single box of description. The platypus has a beaver like tail, an otter like body, a duck like bill and duck like feet. He is like several animals yet he is uniquely his own being.
I have been working to come to a deeper appreciation of myself as my own unique being. I feel that even with my share of challenges, I am deeply blessed. There have been many people in my life who have been cherished friends, gentle lovers, and amazing teachers. The animals who have made up a large part of my life were some of the greatest gifts I could have ever imagined. Humility is something that those of us with lots of opportunities for growth get to experience, again and again. Just when we think we've kicked out the oppressive thoughts and feelings, back they come again.
Depression is definitely an experience I know well. I call it that because for me it is and has been a process of development. Grief, resentment, confusion and fear have entangled themselves together in what can be a deep, heavy, isolating creation. Many of my spiritual teachers have spoken of "the long dark night of the soul" which for me weaves its way in and out of my life.
This blog will be about challenge, opportunity, hope, confusion, joy and peace. It will be about life in all of its miserable and amazing components. Thank you for taking time to share my journey.
Even though I have had several accidents which involved hitting my head, I am not as impaired as some people and seriously more impaired than others. I am fortunate to have great executive function and also to be quite intuitive. These are characteristics that many people with dyslexia and traumatic brain injury (TBI) don't possess. So even though I am disabled, I don't seem to fit what many people think is a description of what disability looks like. Like millions of people, I fall into the group of those with invisible disabilities.
My life has been filled with lots of emotional trauma, loss, abandonment, violence, shame, criticism, judgment and heartache. In many ways I am like most of us who have taken risks in love, career, and friendships. I have chosen to acknowledge my pain, and have worked very hard to make peace with what has felt like deeply broken moments of my heart and soul.
I find a kinship with the platypus because, like them, I feel quite unique in some ways. Neither of us fit nicely into a single box of description. The platypus has a beaver like tail, an otter like body, a duck like bill and duck like feet. He is like several animals yet he is uniquely his own being.
I have been working to come to a deeper appreciation of myself as my own unique being. I feel that even with my share of challenges, I am deeply blessed. There have been many people in my life who have been cherished friends, gentle lovers, and amazing teachers. The animals who have made up a large part of my life were some of the greatest gifts I could have ever imagined. Humility is something that those of us with lots of opportunities for growth get to experience, again and again. Just when we think we've kicked out the oppressive thoughts and feelings, back they come again.
Depression is definitely an experience I know well. I call it that because for me it is and has been a process of development. Grief, resentment, confusion and fear have entangled themselves together in what can be a deep, heavy, isolating creation. Many of my spiritual teachers have spoken of "the long dark night of the soul" which for me weaves its way in and out of my life.
This blog will be about challenge, opportunity, hope, confusion, joy and peace. It will be about life in all of its miserable and amazing components. Thank you for taking time to share my journey.
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