Many spiritual traditions speak of perceiving with the heart rather than the mind. This ability has carried me through many times in my life. Over the last few years, a process has been happening in my life. I have been observing many things and yet I have struggled to integrate them into my being. Sometimes it's the harshness of what is occurring that is more than my sensitive side can handle. Often it is the confusion of what is said rather than what is intended. This confusion has definitely affected me psychologically which has led to a deeper and richer spiritual life after some time of frustration and grieving. It has also taken on a physical manifestation.
Because of my circulation challenges, particularly in the parietal lobes of my brain, I have struggled with visual spatial issues. This world is very visual spatial and encompasses reading, writing, driving, equine and canine sports as well as things as basic as movement and good quality rest. Over the last few years my health has shifted and my independence lessened. I did learn about my challenges later in life which has been bittersweet. It was very sad to me that what I thought were just personality glitches actually turned out to be significant neurological impairments. Talk about having to learn who you are all over again! The sweet part of this is that I have learned how much courage and strength and fortitude I possess. Ain't no quitting for this girl!
As I have learned about nutrition in a new way, chronic fatigue (in my case from black mold exposure), high quality supplements and how amazingly resilient the brain is, I have found a deep sense of gratitude. I am finding improvement in my energy from supplements based on the latest research on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. In addition, I am looking forward to returning to vision therapy to receive the support I need to process what I see. It's becoming more and more obvious to me that seeing is only part of the story. Many of us can observe, notice, and then disregard what is around us. Sometimes we can look at, take in, and become forever changed by what our eyes can see. I am one of those platypus folks who sees, feels and perceives and then is overwhelmed with the magnitude of my experiences. Vision therapy can help me to incorporate what I perceive. It can have ramifications on the visual and vestibular systems. It can transform a deeply struggling person to someone who has independence and confidence.
As I wait, yet again, for this doctor whose work could so powerfully change my life I feel gratitude about many things. It is wonderful that she and her team are so close to me. I know that this modality can shift many things and yet I do have some anxiety about who I will become and what my life will be.
I truly believe we can never unsee anything. Once we have had an experience, we are forever shifted by it. Although traumatic events come to mind, deeply powerful events whether full of pain or joy can do the same thing. I have seen a lot in my life. The years that I worked in the mental health system allowed me to see the good and bad of modalities, providers, clients and medications. The Allopathic world with the many drugs, interventions and testing of all types and the masses of people who believe this is the only true way to healing. The Naturopathic, Chiropractic, Ayurvedic, Traditional Chinese Medicine and other nutritional options which in some cases somewhat mimic that of the Allopathic perspective. The spiritual modes to healing which include meditation, energy work, prayer, and reflection. I have walked a bit into each of these worlds and by far the most powerful has been the walk of the spiritual. Knowing that in my darkest periods there was always a light grander than myself, even when I could barely sense it, made my life meaningful. The wisdom of true healers, marked not by the letters after their name but rather by the wisdom and love they brought into their own and others' lives, is a very precious gift.
The fear that is so prevalent in this world drains our adrenals and taxes the energy we all work so hard to achieve. It presents itself as reality when in fact it is an illusion as brilliantly displayed as the holodeck on Star Trek. Fear can convince us that we are weak, weary, and defeated. It can be an unyielding task master and it can be our worse enemy. The light of truth, love, kindness and discernment can shift even the deepest fears. Sometimes we all need a hand up, and fortunately there are many amazingly loving and kind people that live on this planet with us willing to offer it. At times we need the nurture of our animals who love us without rhyme or reason, just because love is who they are and we are blessed to be among them.
Most days, I like my unique platypus ways. I am grateful for my path and the amazing opportunities I've been given. I once heard someone say to me: "There are such awful things in the world. Why would God allow these things?" After a brief reflection I said: "How else can we see the grace of God except by being shown how grace works in a variety of challenging situations?" I am so very grateful this day. My life, with all of its glitchy challenges, is incredible. For each time I have been told: "You can't do that!", I know that with some help from the Divine both in my earthly and Heavenly friends I can do all that I need to do.
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